


Blackout

by SomeSouthParkFan



Category: South Park
Genre: College, F/M, Multiple Personalities, Murder Mystery, Pill popping, dating girls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-10-03 21:47:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 19,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17292023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeSouthParkFan/pseuds/SomeSouthParkFan
Summary: Cartman has been going out on dates, but during his dates, he blacks out and his dates wind up dead. He teams up with Wendy to try to clear his name.





	1. Prologue

Blackout

Prologue

"Get ready for another date fat ass?" Kyle asks me as I'm getting dressed.

"What does it look like?" I ask him. He’s watched me get ready for dates plenty of times within the last few months so why should this time be any different? I’m sure I’m going to hear one of those infamous Kyle speeches. 

"So who's the lucky lady this time?" Kenny steps in. "I bet I've already dated her."

"Patti Nelson."

"Oh good, she's not someone I've dated. I thought she hated you."

"We're adults now, she's over it."

I go in the bathroom to finish getting ready. We're college seniors at University of Colorado. Kenny and I are renting an apartment together off campus. Kyle comes over a lot since his over protective mom won't let him live on campus. He pretty much uses our place as an escape from home. Stan also comes over often when he's not on a date with Wendy. I don't know why he's dating her, she's such a slut. She has a crush on me and she fucked Kenny. Obviously Stan keeps her far away from us.

I think it's cute that Wendy has a crush on me. I don't return the feelings, but at times I will use that to my advantage. I can get that hoe to do whatever I want. I haven’t used her yet, but I’m sure that time will come. 

"So where are you and Patti going?" Kyle asks as I'm walking out of the bathroom.

"Does it matter Jew?"

"I guess not, I'm just curious." He shrugs. I'm sure once I tell him where we're going, he's going to start preaching to me. I'm not in the mood to hear that shit.

"If you must know, we're going to a bar."

"A bar?" Kenny laughs. "That's not romantic!"

"Romantic dates are so over rated."

"Are you planning to drink?" Kyle asks, and so it begins.

I nod. "That is what people do at a bar."

"Did you take your Valium today?"

Here we go. "Yes I did Kyle."

"Then you know you shouldn't be drinking. Don't you know a severe side effect can lead to your death? You really shouldn’t mix alcohol with your anxiety medication"

I roll my eyes. I've been taking Valium since I was 17. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and the Valium keeps me calm. It really comes in handy before I go out on a date. "I'm not going to get drunk or anything. I'll probably have a drink or two."

Kyle storms into the bathroom and comes back out with my Valium bottle. "See it says, do not drink alcohol." Fucking nosey ass Jew! 

I snatch the bottle from him. "Kyle, I'm a grown man and you're not my mom!"

Kyle folds his arms. "Fine, well when you're too drunk or dizzy to drive home, don't call me!"

"I had no intention of doing so."

"Don't be like that Cartman." Kenny steps in. "We're your friends...kind of. We care."

"I'm good you guys. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go meet Patti."

"Be safe kiddo!" Kenny yells out jokingly as I'm walking out.

As I’m heading to my car, I run into Stan. “Hey dude.” I greet Stan. 

“Where are you going?” He asks, man is he nosey.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I have a date.” 

“A date?” He narrows his eyes. “You know, Wendy just said she has plans…is your date with her?” 

I laugh at his insecurities. “How stupid are you? You know I have no interest in that girl.” 

“But I know she’s interested in you…”

“That sounds like a personal problem to me.” I shrug him off. “See you.” I get in my car. Time to meet up with Patti Nelson. This really should be interesting. I decide to take another valium just to make sure my anxiety is kept under control.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I arrive at the bar and Patti is already there looking fine as ever. She has on a skin tight pink dress with a pair of 5 inch pumps. Her hair and makeup is done right. As I get closer to her, I can even smell her perfume. I'm ready to skip the date and take her back to my place.

"Hey you sexy thing!" I hug her from behind.

She turns around. "Oh it's you. I thought it was some perv trying to hit on me."

"Come on now, if I were hitting on you, you would know it." I wink.

She frowns. "Well aren't you going to sit down?"

I sit down next to her. "So what are you drinking?"

"Mango margarita."

"Too fruity. You need to get a real drink."

She laughs. "What do you recommend?"

"How about a shot of tequila?" I recommend.

She shrugs. "Sure!"

I ask the bartender for six shots of tequila. "Why so many?" Patti inquires.

"That way I don't have to keep asking the bartender to bring more." I tell her as the bartender sets down the shots. I hand one to Patti and pick up one and raise the glass.

She downs the shot and grimaces. "I don't really like it."

"It's better than that pussy margarita you're drinking."

"Oh whatever!"

I take another shot. "Anyway," I gaze into her eyes, "I'm glad you decided to go out with me. I've liked you since 4th grade."

"Yeah I know..."

I take another shot. "So tell me about yourself."

"What do you want to know?"

"Whatever you want to tell me!"

She shrugs. "'Maybe I don't what you to know anything..."

"Oh come on! I know you don't want to sit here in silence!” Since she wants to play games, I’m going to ask her something to really put her on the spot. “What do you look for in a man?"

She turns about 5 shades of red. "Do I really need to answer that?"

I nod. "I gave you a chance to tell me something about you, so now I'll just ask what I want to know."

She sighs. "I don't know Cartman."

"You don't know what you're looking for in a man?" I take another shot. I'm starting to feel a little dizzy, but I ignore that feeling.

"Well I like nice guys. Guys that are really sweet and sensitive. Also a cute face and a hot body." She blushes again at that last part.

"Sounds like you just described me, minus the sweet and sensitive part!"

"Uh huh..." She looks away.

"I can be sweet and sensitive, if that's what you want." I start rubbing her thigh.

She quickly moves my hand. "Let's keep our hands to ourselves Cartman."

"Oh come on Patti, I'm sure you've been on dates before. The guy wines and dines you, then we either go back to your place or mine and fuck!"

She scowls. "First of all, we're at a bar! Where's the wining and dining? Second, I'm not fucking you!"

"You know you want to!"

"No I don't!"

"Then why did you agree to go out with me?"

She shrugs. "I thought since I've been so cruel to you in the past, I would go ahead and give you a chance. Big mistake on my part!"

"It doesn't have to be..." I put my hand on her thigh again.

She pushes my hand away. "Oh God, you're disgusting!"

"So I'm guessing you don't want to come back to my place?"

She grabs her drink and throws it on me. "What does that tell you?"

I grab her and pull her into a kiss. After struggling for a minute she manages to push me away, then punches me.

"Pig! Maybe next time, you'll learn no means no!"

She storms off. I touch my lip and notice blood on my fingers. I take my last shot, and grab a napkin to hold to my lip and I chase after her.

"Cartman?" I suddenly hear. "Cartman? Dude, wake up!" That sounds like Kenny's voice. I open my eyes and see Kenny standing over top of me. "What are you doing here?"

"Umm...I live here." God, he’s such a fucking smart ass. “Get your ass up, it’s almost 1 in the afternoon.”

I sit up and realize I'm in our living room. I have no concept of time or really anything else right now. Funny, I don't even remember coming home. I just know I have a massive headache. "Oh, I see."

“Dude, did you hear the news?” 

“Kenny, I just woke up.” I put my hands on my head. 

“It’s about Patti Nelson!” 

He just made my headache worse. I remember going out on a date with that prude bitch so I really could care less. “So what? Screw that bitch! I don’t care if I ever see her ass again!” 

“Well you got your wish!” 

I raise my eyebrow. “What do you mean?” 

“Patti’s dead…”


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2

My jaw drops over hearing those words. I know he didn’t say what I think he said. "What do you mean Patti's dead?"

"Just like I said, she's dead. Someone murdered her."

"Murdered?" This is still shocking to hear. How can this girl be dead? 

"Yeah dude! She was found at Stark's Pond with multiple stab wounds."

"How unfortunate..." I really wasn’t trying to sound like an uncaring asshole, but the bitch wouldn’t put out. I’m still pissed about that.

Kenny raises his eyebrow. "Cartman...weren't you on a date with her last night?"

"Yes I was."

"Is there something you want to tell me?"

What exactly is this douche trying to imply? "You think I killed her?"

"Did you?"

"No!"

He examines me. "Well did you two get into a fight or something? You have a fat lip."

I touch my lip and can tell it's a little swollen. I suddenly remember me kissing Patti then her punching me. "That prude bitch punched me!"

Kenny laughs. "Let me guess, she wouldn't sleep with you?"

"Hell no!" Kenny continues laughing. "Damnit Kenny, it's not funny!"

He clears his throat. "You're right, sorry. Just because she wouldn't sleep with you, doesn't mean you have to go and kill her."

"Goddamnit, I didn't kill her!"

"Well I hope you have a good alibi..."

I roll my eyes. "When did you become a cop?"

He shrugs. "I watch enough Law and Order to know how this works."

"Whatever."

"So what’s your alibi?"

"I came home after my date."

“You came straight home?” I’m really trying to think about what I did after I left before I came home, but I’m drawing a complete blank. I don’t like the way Kenny is looking at me. “Dude…” 

“Look, I don’t remember, okay?” 

His jaw drops. “Are you saying…?”

“No I’m not saying that!” 

Kenny sits down next to me. “Start from the beginning…” 

I sigh. “Patti was pissed off because I was trying to fuck. I kissed her and she punched me and left. I ran after her and the next thing I know, you were waking me up. That’s it!” 

“Is that what you had on last night?” I nod as he starts examining my clothes. “Well there’s no blood on you which is a good thing. You smell like alcohol.” He sniffs. “…and mangoes…” 

“Patti threw her drink on me. She was drinking a mango margarita.” 

“Were you drinking?” 

“I took a couple of shots.” 

“Cartman, Kyle warned you not to drink while on your meds.” 

I groan. I hate when they try to treat me like I’m some incompetent child. Kyle is worse, but Kenny isn’t too far behind. “I’m fine Kenny! Kyle can kiss my ass!” 

“You’re obviously not fine. You don’t even remember what happened to you last night.” 

“Keep that between the two of us!” 

“My lips are sealed, but it’s only a matter of time before someone else finds out. Maybe another bar patron that saw you with Patti.” 

“I’ll avoid that bar…” 

Later that evening, I ended up at the police station. Not by choice of course. I know Kenny didn’t snitch on me because I was with him all day. But someone snitched. Someone who saw me at the bar or maybe someone who knows I was there. It was Kyle! That sneaky Jew rat! 

I told that idiot Officer Barbrady the same story I told Kenny. He had no choice but to let me go because he doesn’t have enough evidence to hold me. “You two were seen arguing at the bar.” Officer Barbrady tells me. 

“I know, but I swear to you, I didn’t kill her.” I tell him for the hundredth time.

“As I said, you’re free to go. However, don’t leave town.” 

I roll my eyes, but agree. Goddamn I don’t understand how he’s still a cop. He’s the biggest idiot ever! As soon as I leave, I run into Stan. “What the hell are you doing here?” 

“I saw you…” He narrows his eyes at me. 

“Saw me what?” 

“You killed her! You stabbed Patti to death!” 

I fold my arms, completely unimpressed. “I guess you’re the one that went to the police?” 

“You’re damn right I did! I told them you were the last person Patti was with at the bar.” 

“Do you know this for a fact?” 

“You told me you had a date! I followed you to make sure it wasn’t with Wendy. I heard you arguing and I saw you follow her out of the bar and I followed you.” 

Damn, what a paranoid little shithead stalker! I grab him and slam him up against the wall. He may know more than he’s saying. “What did you see after that?” 

“Umm…well, you followed her to Starks Pond, pulled out a knife and stabbed her multiple times.” He shivers and looks nauseous. “Dude, there was so much blood…” 

“You’re making this up!” 

He looks at me nervously. “No I’m not! You’re a cold blooded killer!” 

I slam him into the wall again. “If I was going to kill someone, it would be YOU!” I slam him one more time. “If you lie on me again, I’ll make sure that happens!” 

“Are you threatening me?” 

“That’s not a threat, that’s a promise.” I warn him before leaving. 

I head down to Starks Pond to check out the crime scene hoping I can put the pieces that I’m missing together. Could I really have killed Patti? If I did, I really have no recollection of it. There’s police tape everywhere here. I’m trying to look for clues and I’m coming up empty. 

“What are you doing here?” I turn around and see Rebecca Cotswold. 

“I was just on a walk. I can’t believe Patti is dead.” I tell her calmly not trying to make her suspicious of me. 

“Me either. I can’t believe someone murdered her right here! She was my best friend. I’m going to miss her terribly!” She bursts into tears. She lays her head on my shoulder and sobs. I’m feeling a little nervous for many reasons. For one thing, I may have killed her best friend so I have no right to comfort her. Two, she looks really fine right now and I’m getting a woody! I can’t tell her that though, at least not right now. 

“I’m going to miss her too.” 

“Really? I didn’t think you knew her that well.” 

I guess she didn’t know about our date. “I didn’t, but I always had a crush on her. It’s going to be weird not seeing her face around.” 

“Yes it is…” She wipes her eyes. “We should hang out sometime. We can get to know each other.” 

It must be my lucky day! Everyone knows Rebecca is the biggest slut ever! I know I’ll get laid for sure! “I would like that. Do you have any plans tomorrow night?” 

She shakes her head. “Nope.” 

This is getting better! “Do you want to come over to my place? We can watch a movie and chill.” 

“Sure, but don’t you have roommates?” 

“I have one roommate and I’ll get rid of him. We’ll have the place to ourselves.” 

“I’m looking forward to it!” She smirks, I notice her looking down at my crotch area. This date will definitely be better than the last one. “I’ll bring some wine.” 

Now I know for sure I’m getting laid! “Sounds good, I’ll see you tomorrow night then.” 

“See you then!” I walk off and wait until I’m far enough and start cheering. Finally, I’m going to get lucky! She’ll be nothing like that prude bitch Patti! This will be the best date ever.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I'm getting ready for my date with Rebecca. She's a whore so I know I don't need to go all out for her. I'm starting to feel a little anxious so I go ahead and take a Valium. I need this date to go as planned and I don't want to worry about anything.

"Cartman?" Kenny knocks on my door.

"What?"

"You have company."

Damn, she's here already? I wasn't expecting her for another hour or so. "All right." I open my door. "You and Kyle need to get lost!" I tell Kenny.

"I'll think about it dude." Kenny smirks. 

"Tell Rebecca to come to my room."

"Rebecca isn't the one here, you sly dog you!" He winks.

Now I'm really confused. "Then who's here?"

"Hi Cartman!" It turns out to be Wendy. I hate the way she says my name. It’s always in this sultry, seductive voice. I’m not interested in this ho at all.

I roll my eyes. "What the hell do you want?"

"I came here to help you."

"With what?"

"Prove your innocence."

"I don't need your help! I know I'm innocent!" I snap at her.

She frowns. "I'm just trying to help, you don't have to be so nasty!"

"You want to help? Why don't you go talk to your little boyfriend? He knows a lot more than he's letting on." I’m really starting to think that Stan killed Patti. He knew everything that happened on our date, but leaves out what happened after we left. He’s the one with something to hide.

"I've talked to Stan already. He's convinced you did it."

"Of course he does. With no proof."

"I know you didn't do it. You wouldn't hurt a fly." She cozies up to me, but I back away. 

"I know I didn't do it, I could care less what you think.” I point at the door. “Now if you don't mind, I have a date."

"Cartman, don't shut me out!" Wendy pleas. 

"I have a date. I don't need you here ruining it, now get lost!"

She sighs. "Fine, you know my number if you change your mind."

"I won't." I escort her to the door.

"You'll be sorry you didn't let me help you." I open the door and she walks out.

"Sure I will." I close the door. I go in the living room and see Kenny watching TV and Kyle studying. "You two need to go!"

"Cartman, do you really think you should go on another date?" Kyle asks me.

"Why do you say that?"

"It's too soon after Patti's murder."

"So? I didn't murder the bitch!"

"I still think you should take a break from dating. At least until this blows over."

"Fuck that shit! I'm trying to get laid! So is Rebecca!

"That was her best friend!"

"I know. Your point?"

"Don't do this! Especially if you’re going to drink which I’m sure you will. I know you’ve taken a Valium today, haven’t you?" I groan and try to walk away from him. “Dude, what if you blackout again? Don’t you see how dangerous this is?” 

I look at Kenny. "Get him the hell out of here!"

"He has a point Cartman..." Kenny adds in.

"Not you too. You know I didn't kill Patti!"

“I believe you didn’t. But dating is the last thing you should be thinking about.”

“Yeah, you should focus on who killed Patti.” Kyle adds in.

“I don’t give a fuck who killed her. I would like to shake the bastard’s hand to ridding the world of that stuck up prude cunt!” I tell them. 

“Cartman, are you serious?” 

“Yes I am! Fuck Patti Nelson and now I’m ready to fuck her best friend!” Just then there’s a knock on the door. “Speak of the devil…” I smirk. 

“I hope she heard what you said…” 

“For your sake, you better hope not!” I open the door. “Hey there sexy!” I greet Rebecca. Damn, she’s looking really sexy too. She has on a low cut white midriff top with her big titties over exposed, and a pair of short black shorts. I’m starting to get hot and bothered just staring at her. 

“Are you going to stand there drooling or are you going to invite me in?” 

“Huh?” I snap out of it. “Oh yeah, come on in!” She walks past me and I look at her fat ass as she walks by. I can’t believe I’m about to hit that. I’m getting a little nervous, my palms are starting to sweat. 

“Hey guys!” She greets Kenny and Kyle. 

“Hi.” Kyle glares angrily at me and Kenny winks at her. I’m guessing he’s fucked her before. No surprise there. 

“These guys were just leaving!” I announce. 

Kyle slams his book shut and shoves it in his backpack. “You better be careful Cartman…” He whispers his warning that I’m getting ready to ignore. 

“You kids have fun and don’t do anything I haven’t done!” He laughs and pats me on the back. “Are you okay?” I nod. “You’re sweating, you may want to do something about that before you take her to bed.” He whispers. 

“I’m fine Kenny!” 

“Okay…see you later.” Kenny and Kyle leave.

“So did you bring any movies?” I ask Rebecca.

She laughs. “That’s cute, you really want to watch a movie?” 

“Umm…” 

“I’m not one of those girls that has to look cute and flirt a bit before we sleep together. If that was the case, I wouldn’t have come dressed like this!” 

I can feel myself sweating even more. “So you’re saying you just want to get down to business?” 

“Yes!” 

Damn I love her directness. “Well okay, my bedroom is on the right.” I point to my room. “Go on in there and wait for me.” 

“Okay!” She smiles, pulling a bottle of wine out of her purse. “Don’t keep me waiting too long lover boy!” She squeezes my dick and winks before walking into my room. 

“Oh God!” I whisper loudly. I think I may be in over my head with this one. She’s definitely the opposite of Patti. I go into the bathroom and grab another Valium. I then go in Kenny’s room and find the vodka bottle he keeps under his bed and down some of that before heading back into my room. 

As soon as I’m in my room, I’m greeted by a naked Rebecca on my bed. “Are you ready?” She drinks some wine right out of the bottle. 

I swallow nervously. “Yeah I’m ready.” 

“What are you waiting for then? Get naked and do me!” 

My eyes light up. “OKAY!” I immediately take off my clothes and get in the bed. We start off by kissing, then I get on top of her. I’m starting to feel a headache coming on. 

“Umm…I think I should get on top…” She tells me. 

“No problem.” She gets on top and starts riding me and moaning loudly. The more she moans, the worse my headache becomes. Suddenly everything goes black…


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I wake up the next morning with a huge fucking headache again. I pull back the blanket and realize I'm naked. I smile to myself. I got laid last night. I look over and see Rebecca is still here, but she's sleeping. I'm surprised, I usually make them leave after we fuck. I guess I was too drunk to notice. I shrug and get out of bed and head to the bathroom.

I put on my bathrobe and wash my face and brush my teeth. My head is still pounding so I take an aspirin plus my Valium. Rebecca's still here so I figured I would take it to keep my nerves in check. She may be interested in going another round.

I go back in my bedroom and this bitch is still sleeping. "Rebecca?" She doesn't respond. "Rebecca? Do you want to get breakfast or something?" Still no response. I shake her a bit and she doesn't move. I notice she has the pillow over her face. I move the pillow and see the pillow has blood all over it. I immediately start thinking the worst. I pull the blanket back and see her bloody head and her eyes and mouth are wide open. No, it can't be!

"Holy shit!" I scream out. Now I feel sick to my stomach. I throw up on the floor and look at her once more. I touch her and her body is completely cold. I throw up again and cover her back up. 

I go to Kenny's room and knock on the door. "What?" He answers groggily.

"Are you alone?" If he has company that won't be a good look for me. It would be another person who thinks I'm guilty of murder.

"Yeah, why?" His tone sounds a little peeved. 

"Can you come in my room? I need your help with something..."

"What is it?"

"Just come in my room goddamnit!" I stomp my foot.

"Okay, let me get decent first."

After a few moments, he comes out of his room. "Where's the fire?" He asks.

"Come in my room."

He rolls his eyes. "Okay..." He follows me to my room. "So you got laid? I really don't give a fuck!"

"No, look!" I pull back the covers and reveal Rebecca's dead body.

"Dude..." He moves closer to her. "You did it again..."

"I didn't do it!"

"Then how did this happen?"

"I'm not sure. I remember we had sex the next thing I know I woke up and when I came out the bathroom, I discovered she was dead."

"Did you blackout again?" Kenny asks me. 

"I went to bed."

"Cartman, this is serious! Did you blackout?"

"I don't...think so..." Now that I think about it, I don't remember going to sleep so maybe I did.

"Dude, this isn't good." He examines her. "This isn’t good at all…”

"I can't worry about that right now! What are we going to do with the body?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? We can't just leave her here!" I’m in full on panic mode now. 

"We're going to call the police!" Kenny suggests.

"I can't! They'll lock me up for sure!"

“If you try to hide her body and get caught, it will really look bad on your part. I’m going to call the police.” He walks off. I continue to look at Rebecca. I still can’t believe she’s gone. Did I do this? But what reason would I have? I had a good time with her…at least I thought I did. I sit down at the edge of the bed and think. 

Kenny comes back in my room. “The police and ambulance are on the way.” I don’t respond. “Cartman, I really think you’re in deep shit this time…” 

“You might be right…” I whisper. 

“You not remembering anything really doesn’t look good for you.” 

“What am I going to do…?” I’m really beginning to panic now, even more than before. Two murders have happened after my dates and I don’t remember either of them happening. I get up and head to the bathroom and grab my bottle of Valium. 

“Dude, what are you doing?” Kenny has followed me to the bathroom. 

“I haven’t taken my medication today.” That’s a lie, but Kenny doesn’t need to know that.

“Do you really think you should be taking it now?” 

“I need it to calm my nerves.” I pop a pill. I notice Kenny is still staring at me. “What?” 

“You’re hooked on those things…” 

“No I’m not. I only take one a day, sometimes two, but no more than that.” 

Kenny raises his eyebrow. “How many did the doctor tell you to take?” 

“No more than two.”

“Maybe you need to have the doctor prescribe you something else.” 

“I’m fine Kenny.” I put the bottle back and walk out of the bathroom. 

“Two women you went out with are dead! Obviously you’re not fine. Plus you’re popping Valium like it’s candy.” 

“I didn’t kill them!” Just then, there’s a knock on the door. The police and ambulance arrive. Once again, it’s that idiot Officer Barbrady. He immediately tells me he’s taking me to the station for questioning and suggests that Kenny comes down later for questioning. 

At the police station, Officer Barbrady is staring me up and down. I told him what I remembered and I’m just waiting on a response from him. “Eric, something isn’t adding up.” 

“I told you everything I know.” 

“This isn’t the first time this has happened.” 

I look down. “I know…” 

“Let’s not forget about your mother either…” He lifts up his glasses and narrows his eyes at me. “We still don’t know what exactly happened to her. Your light is looking kind of dim.” 

“I had nothing to do with that either!” 

The phone rings and Officer Barbrady answers it. “Barbrady…uh huh, yeah? Wow, that’s interesting. Okay…uh huh…thank you.” He hangs up and focuses his attention on me. “Things just went from bad to worse for you.” 

I gulp nervously. “How so?” 

“I just got off the phone with forensics. There was a broken wine bottle found under your bed, I’m guessing that was the bottle that Rebecca was hit in the head with. That bottle had your fingerprints on it.” 

“Of course it did, I drank some wine with her. At least I think I did…” Didn’t I? Most of last night is such a blur. 

“I have more news for you.” 

I sigh. “What?” 

“There was a bloody napkin that was retrieved from the Patti Nelson crime scene, that blood turned out to be yours. Plus a bloody jacket was found in Stark’s Pond. Patti’s blood is on that jacket along with your DNA.” He glares at me. “Anything you want to tell me?” 

“Yeah! Some asshole is setting me up!” I’m certain it’s Stan. He’s the only douche bag that hates me enough to want to set me up. “Plus the jacket I wore that night is at-” Before I finish my sentence, I remember I woke up without my jacket. “Oh shit…” 

“Stand up Eric.” I stand up and he reads me my Miranda rights and puts handcuffs on me and escorts me to my cell. “You’re allowed one phone call.” 

“I don’t belong here…” 

“One call…” He walks off. 

About an hour, a guard comes to escort me to the phone and I call Kyle. “Cartman? Are you in jail?” He asks when he answers. 

“Yes, you dumb Jew!” 

“So why are you calling me?” 

“Because I need your help. I need you to ask your dad to be my lawyer. I’m innocent.” 

He sighs. “I’ll ask him. Cartman, how are you going to prove you’re innocent?” 

“That’s why I’m getting a lawyer asshole!” Goddamn for someone so smart, he can ask such stupid ass questions. 

“All right dude. At least the good thing with you being in jail, you can’t get your Valium.” 

Shit, I didn’t even about that. How am I going to make it without it? “That’s cool…” No it really isn’t, but I’m not in the mood to hear a lecture. 

“I’m glad, you were getting addicted to those things. Plus drinking on top of that! You put yourself in a really dangerous situation.” I’m still getting a lecture…

“I have to go Kyle.” I hang up on him and I’m escorted back to my cell. 

Monday morning arrives, and I’m still in this cell. I’ve been here all weekend and I’ve never felt so anxious like this in my life. I really need my Valium! I’m losing my mind in here. I keep having dreams about Patti and Rebecca. I haven’t been able to sleep because I have those dead bitches on my mind, Especially Rebecca. I get that image of her dead body out of my head. 

My cell opens, I guess that means its breakfast time. “You’re free to go Eric.” The guard tells me.

“Huh?” I stand up. 

“Get out of here, you can go.” 

“But how…?” The guard doesn’t answer, he escorts me out. Once I’m out, I’m greeted by none other than… “Wendy?”


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Wendy was the last person I was expecting to see when I got out of jail. I’m grateful, but I wasn’t expecting it. "What are you doing here?" I ask Wendy.

"I'm here to bail you out of jail." She smiles.

"How did you even know I was here?"

"Stan told me, and Kyle told him."

I should’ve known. Stan always seems to be involved somehow when these murders happen. We head to Wendy’s car and get in and she drives off. "Where did you get the money?"

"I have my ways. A thank you would be nice, you know?"

I sigh. "Thank you. I still think that tool you call a boyfriend is setting me up."

"I don't think Stan would do that."

"Yes he would. He hates me because you like me!"

Wendy's face turns red. "Umm..."

"It makes sense, he's trying to get me out of the picture."

"That doesn't make sense."

"Sure it does! He probably thinks you're going to leave him for me. He sets me up for murder, I go to jail and he'll have nothing to worry about."

Wendy bursts out laughing. "You're really reaching with that one!"

"Am I really?"

"Yes you are. Stan is a sweet guy, he wouldn't hurt anyone much less kill them."

"Maybe you don't know him as well as you think..." I suggest to her. 

"Cartman, I really want to help you, but accusing my boyfriend isn't going to make me want to help you." I can tell I’m making her mad. 

"It's not like I asked for your help!"

She frowns. "Well fine! I hope they give you the electric chair!" She stops her car. "Get out!"

"You're going to make me get out here?" I’m really in no mood to walk to my apartment from here. 

"You don't want my help so there's nothing more we need to say to each other."

"Fine!" I get out of the car and slam the door shut.

"This is what I get for trying to be nice to your ass!" She speeds off. 

"Bitch!" I mumble. I walk back to my apartment. Once I get there, I head right for the bathroom and find my Valium right where I left it. I grab four pills and put them in my mouth. I then get a bottle of water to wash them down.

"Hey dude!" I hear startling me causing me to jump. I turn and see it's Kenny.

"Jesus Christ Kenny, you scared the shit out of me!"

He snickers. "Sorry. I didn't know you were out of jail."

"Thanks for bailing me out." I tell him sarcastically. 

"Where was I going to get the money?"

I start to say something then I think about it. "That's true. I'll let you slide this time."

"So who bailed you out?"

"Wendy." I can feel my eyes starting to get heavy. 

Kenny starts laughing. "Oh man, that girl has it bad!"

I shrug and start blinking my eyes to keep them open. "I guess. I think I'm going to go for a swim."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine, why do you ask?"

"Your eyes are a little red and twitchy and you seem out of it."

"Like I said, I’m fine. I'll catch you later."

I head on campus and take advantage of the indoor while there's no one else there. I always preferred having an entire pool to myself. It's so much better than having to swim around in first grader's pee or with a bunch of minorities. It's so nice and relaxing in here I swear I could go to sleep in here. I float on my back and close my eyes.

"What's your fat ass doing here?" I open my eyes and see Bebe.

"Bitch, what the fuck does it look like I'm doing?"

She scowls. "God you're such a horrible human being! Why did Wendy bail you out of jail?"

"You would have to ask her that question. Why don't you go find her?"

"Are you trying to tell me to get lost?"

"I would just say get lost bitch!" I can feel my eyes getting heavy again.

She jumps on the water and swims over to me. "I guess I better not get too close to you. I'm not trying to die."

Here we go again. "I didn't kill anyone!"

“So you say…” 

“I’m not going to argue with you about this. I know I didn’t do it and if you don’t believe me, that’s not my problem.” Bebe stares awkwardly at me. “What?” 

“What’s wrong with you? Are you drunk?” 

“No.” 

“Well then you must be high or something. I can see it in your eyes and you’re slurring your words.” 

“I am not!” If I’m slurring, I didn’t even notice it. 

She continues to stare. “Seriously Cartman, are you sure you’re okay?” She smirks “Maybe I’m seeing a murderous look in your eyes…”

I roll my eyes and swim to the edge and get out. I hear Bebe laughing and I turn and look at her. “What the fuck is so funny?” 

“You are! If only you could see how slowly you’re moving. Something is definitely off.” 

“The only thing that’s off is you! First you accuse me of being a killer and now you’re accusing me of being drunk and high!” 

“I can see it in your face that’s something isn’t right. As far as accusing you of being a killer, well you were arrested for murder weren’t you? It seems that the police think you’re guilty of murder.” 

“Innocent until proven guilty, remember that.”

Her eyes widen. “So you’re admitting you did it?” 

“I’m not admitting to shit!” 

“Poor Cartman. Why don’t you just confess? Things will be much easier for you. Plus maybe now the mystery behind your mom’s “disappearance” slash murder will finally be solved as well.” 

This is the second time within the last few days that my mom has been brought up. “I’m not confessing because I didn’t DO IT! I had nothing to do with my mom’s disappearance!” 

“Sure you didn’t.” She responds smugly. 

“Why would I be responsible for that? Do you know how life changing my mom’s disappearance was? It’s because of that I’m-“ I stop talking because I realize I’m saying too much plus it’s really none of her business.

Bebe’s eyes light up. “You what? You’re now a killer?” She gets out of the water and walks over to me. 

I get angry and grab Bebe by the neck. “You know Bebe, if I were a killer, I would’ve taken your ass out by now!” 

“L-let go of me…” I can see the fear in her eyes. 

I immediately let go of her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.” 

She slowly backs away. “If I wasn’t convinced before, I’m convinced now! You’re a cold blooded murderer!” 

“Bebe-“ I move closer to her. 

“Stay away from me!” She dives back into the water. “Don’t think I’m going to forget about this Cartman! I guess I better let everyone know if I end up dead who the number one suspect is!” 

I start getting a headache. “I’m not a killer!” 

“Save it! You just tried to strangle me!”

I grab my head in pain. “I’m not going to listen to this!” I head towards the locker room. I hear her going on, but suddenly her voice begins to fade out as everything for me begins to fade to black…


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I wake up and all I see is...white. White everywhere! I hear beeping too. Am I in the hospital? How did I end up here? Why am I in pain? I try to move my hands, but they only go so far. Then I realize I'm handcuffed to the bed.

"What the hell?" I yell out as I keep shaking my hands hoping to break free from the handcuffs.

"Dude, you're awake." I look over and see Kyle and Kenny. "We were worried about you for a minute there." Kyle tells me.

"What the hell is going on? Why am I here and why the hell am I handcuffed?"

Kyle and Kenny and exchange looks. "You overdosed last night." Kyle explains. "You were found passed out near the pool on campus! You had high levels of Valium in your system."

"Why am I handcuffed?"

"There was another murder last night."

I roll my eyes. "Let me guess, Bebe right?"

They exchange looks again. "Cartman...?" Kenny gives me a warning look.

"I didn't do it!" I say defensively. 

"How did you know it was Bebe?"

"I saw her at the pool last night." I admit.

"So what happened?"

"She accused me of being a killer. I denied it and things got a little heated. I started to lose my temper, but once I realized it, I left."

"That's all that happened?" Kyle raises his eyebrow.

"That's all I remember."

"Bebe sent out a group text to me, Wendy, Stan, and Nichole."

I swallow nervously. “What did it say?” 

“That if she dies, you’re the guilty party.” 

I close my eyes. She wasn’t kidding about letting people know that. “Kyle, I swear I didn’t kill that girl. How did she die anyway?” 

“She drowned in the pool.” Kenny informs me. 

“Maybe it was an accident.”

Kyle shakes his head. “The police said she had red marks on her neck. They think she may have been choked to death and thrown in the pool to make it look like she drowned.”

I remember getting angry with Bebe and grabbing her by her neck. “Damnit…” I mumble. 

“So what are you leaving out Cartman?” Kyle asks. “She has red marks on her neck and you have scratches all over your face.” 

“I do?” That must be why my face hurts. 

“See for yourself.” Kyle holds up a mirror and sure enough my face is all scratched up. She got me good too. “Your story isn’t adding up dude. I was trying to believe in your innocence, but this…” 

“I swear I’m innocent!” 

“It’s like your mom’s disappearance all over again! Except this time you’re hooked on Valium. I’m starting to think you had something to do with that too.” 

That’s fucking great, now Kyle is turning on me. “I miss my mom, why would I have something to do with her disappearance?” 

“Why would you stab Patti? Or bust Rebecca in the head with a wine bottle then smother her with a pillow? Or strangle Bebe and make it look like she drowned?” He grabs me and starts shaking me. “WHY?” 

“Dude Kyle, calm the fuck down!” Kenny steps in pulling him away from me. 

“Who’s next on your list Cartman? You better stay the hell away from Nichole! If something happens to her, I swear I’ll kill you myself!” 

“Stop it Kyle! This isn’t helping!” 

“I’m glad you overdosed!” Kyle continues ignoring Kenny. “Now the police will take you to jail the moment you’re released from the hospital and this will all be over with!” 

“It won’t be over because I’m not the killer.” I tell him. “Kyle, you guys have to believe me.” 

“How can you be so sure of that when you keep blacking out?” 

I sigh. “I don’t know Kyle. I just don’t think I did it. Someone is taking advantage of my Valium use and is setting me up. I need you guys to help me figure out who and why.” 

“The only way I’ll help you is if you agree to stop taking Valium.” 

“If I go to jail, I won’t have access to it.” 

“So you won’t care if I dump the rest of the bottle?” 

He might as well kill me now. “I won’t care Kyle…” I lie. 

“Good, this is your first step to recovery!” He smiles arrogantly. 

“I guess.” 

“You’ll thank me for this later. My dad is still going help prove your innocence, so I’ll work on finding out who the real guilty party is.” 

“I’ll help too.” Kenny adds in. 

“Thanks dudes, I really appreciate it.” 

Just then the nurse comes in the room. “Okay guys, visiting hours are over. You’re going to have to leave.” She tells Kenny and Kyle.

“Later dude.” Kenny says before leaving. 

“We’ll get you out of this mess, don’t worry.” Kyle smiles just as he leaves. 

“How are you feeling?” The nurse asks me. 

“I’m okay, except for these stupid handcuffs!” I start yanking them again. 

“I’m sorry, but that’s out of my hands. That’s a police matter.” 

“Can’t you ask them to loosen them some? I feel like they’re cutting off the circulation in my wrists!” 

She laughs. “I’ll see what I can do. Now is there anything I can help you with medically?” 

“I’m feeling a little anxious…” 

I notice her looking at my chart. “Well you’re here due to a Valium overdose so I can’t give you that.” Goddamnit, that fucking sucks. “However, I can give you a low dose sedative to help relax you.” 

I shrug. I guess it’s better than nothing. “That’s fine.” 

She smiles. “I’ll be back with that momentarily.” She walks out. There’s no way I can go without my Valium. I yank at the handcuffs again. If only I could find a way to break out of these. I keep shaking them as I can feel them starting to crack…

Kyle’s POV

I’m trying to piece together all of the evidence against Cartman. So far, it seems Cartman may be right that he’s being set up. It’s too convenient that the police are able to find all the evidence against Cartman so quickly. One, Officer Barbrady isn’t that smart and another, if Cartman were guilty, he wouldn’t be so sloppy. 

But that means someone is following Cartman, making sure he’s under the influence and committing these murders. Who would have the most to gain from this? Who hates him that much? Are these murders somehow connected to his mother’s disappearance? Suddenly, it hits me! I pick up the phone and call Kenny. 

“Yeah?” He answers. He sounds like he may be in the middle of something, but I ignore it. 

“Dude, I figured it out!” 

“Figured what out?” 

“I figured out who’s behind the murders.” 

“Already?” 

“Yeah dude, I’m going to the police station right now.” 

“Be careful Kyle.” Kenny warns me. 

“Don’t worry, I’m gathering my evidence and I’m going to Officer Barbrady right now!” 

“Good luck dude.” 

“Thanks! It’s going to be over very soon!” I hang up. I hear a noise behind me. I shrug it off and keep it moving. I grab my keys and I swear it sounds like there’s someone in the house. “Ike?” I call out as I know he would be the only one who could possibly be home at this time. I shrug it off again and head towards the door. Just then, I feel a sharp stabbing pain in my back. I scream out in pain…


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

It felt so good to break out of those handcuffs and manage to get some Valium. Lucky for me, I always keep an extra stash lying around. I left a few of them in my pocket. I didn’t even count how many there were, I just quickly took all of them. I got back in bed and decided to take a nap, handcuff free. 

Unfortunately my victory was short lived because once the police discovered I was out of the handcuffs, they immediately took me to jail against the doctor's orders. The doctors still want to monitor me, but the police insisted that the “world” would be safer if I’m behind bars. 

Officer Barbrady comes to my cell and he’s staring me up and down. "How did you do it?"

I don’t have the slightest clue what he’s talking about. "Do what?" 

"You attacked Kyle last night. How is this possible?"

My eyes widen in fear. "Kyle was attacked?"

He nods. "He was stabbed in the back several times."

"Is he dead?"

"No, but he's in a coma."

That's a relief. I may hate Kyle, but he's still my friend. I don't want him to die. Plus he's supposed to help me figure out who's setting me up. "That's good to hear."

"However, the stab wounds are similar to the ones found on Patti Nelson's body."

"So...?"

"So, it appears the same weapon was used. We never did find the murder weapon used on Patti." He narrows his eyes at me.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Where's the weapon Eric?"

"I don't know!"

"You did it, didn't you?"

Worse police officer ever, this man really doesn’t think. "No! How could I? I was in the hospital last night!"

"Not all night..." He reveals to me.

"What?"

"You left your room for some time after you broke out of your handcuffs..." He glares at me.

This dude is seriously reaching right. "Oh come on! If I left the room much less the hospital, don't you think someone on staff would've stopped me?"

"You were reported missing, that's why we brought you here."

"That's impossible!" I think about it for a second. Is it possible that I blacked out again? I took my Valium and took a nap…right? Did I leave the hospital? No way, someone would’ve seen me and said something. 

“Is it really impossible?” He holds up a hospital gown with blood on it. “How do you explain this? Your hospital gown with Kyle’s blood on it.”

My jaw drops. No fucking way! “That could be anyone’s gown.” 

“It’s the gown you were wearing when you returned to your room. Covered in blood.” 

“No way…” When did they change my gown?

“What other explanation is there Eric?” 

“He’s being set up!” We hear a woman’s voice. I recognize that voice…

“What are you doing here?” Officer Barbrady asks as he turns and see Wendy…of course. Once again this bitch is sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong.

“I’m here to help.” She looks at me. “I know you told me to mind my own business, but you really have to let me help you.” 

I roll my eyes. “Why?” 

She looks at Barbrady. “Can we have a few minutes alone?” 

He nods. “Maybe you’ll get a confession out of him.” He leaves. 

“I’m the only person who believes in your innocence.” She tells me. “You don’t deserve to be in here.” 

I sigh and sit down. “Wendy, the thing is…I don’t even know if I believe in my innocence anymore.” 

“Don’t say that!” 

“It’s true. I keep blacking out and people end up dead. Kyle is in a coma. I don’t have an alibi for any of the times these murders took place, so how do I know I’m not guilty?” 

“I know you’re not.” 

I stand up and walk to the bars. “How can you be so sure?” 

“Because I know you, you wouldn’t hurt anyone.” She smiles.

“So you believe someone is setting me up?” 

She nods. “Yes I do and I’m going to prove it.” 

“You better be careful. Kyle said the same thing and now he’s in a coma.” 

“Trust me, whoever it is, isn’t coming after me.” Wendy states proudly. 

I raise my eyebrow at that odd statement. “How can you be so sure of that?” 

“I just know. I want to bring this son of a bitch down as much as you do! He killed my best friend!”

“Good luck to you.” 

“Thanks, I’m sure I can figure this out. I have to, for Bebe, Patti, and Rebecca’s sake.” 

“Kyle’s too.” 

“Oh yeah and him.” She smiles. “Don’t worry you won’t be in here long.” 

“I hope you’re right.” 

“Just leave everything to me.” Wendy winks at me one last time before leaving. I hope she can solve this mystery. I want this to be over so I can move on with my life. I’m sick and tired of blacking out and not knowing what happened during that time. Hopefully I may even be able to put the pieces together from the time I’m missing…


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

_I grab Patti and pull her into a kiss. She struggles for a minute before she pushes me away, then punches me._

_"Pig! Maybe next time, you'll learn no means no!"_

_She storms off. I touch my lip and notice blood on my fingers. I take my last shot, and grab a napkin to hold to my lip and I chase after her._

I start tossing and turning in my sleep. It’s hard enough to get comfortable in this hard ass bed without these constant reminders. Why does this keep coming back to me?

_"Are you ready?" Rebecca asks me as she drinks some wine right out of the bottle._

_I swallow nervously. "Yeah I'm ready."_

_"What are you waiting for then? Get naked and do me!"_

Something so wonderful turned into something really tragic. I smile to myself just thinking about that night. I bet she was great in bed…

_I angrily grab Bebe by the neck. "You know Bebe, if I were a killer, I would've taken your ass out by now!"_

_"L-let go of me…" She responds with fear in her eyes._

_I immediately let go of her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."_

_She slowly backs away. "If I wasn't convinced before, I'm convinced now! You're a cold blooded murderer!"_

No, I don’t want to think about that! That’s why I’m here in the first place. 

_"I'm not the killer." I tell Kyle and Kenny. "Kyle, you guys have to believe me."_

_"How can you be so sure of that when you keep blacking out?" Kyle asks._

The tossing and turning continues when I hear these words ringing in my head…

_"PIG!"_

_"Are you ready?"_

_"You keep blacking out!"_

_"You're a cold blooded murderer!"_

"STOP!" I cry out as I sit up. I look around me and see no one is there. I'm still in this cold, dark cell. It was just a dream...

That dream felt so...real. Is my dream trying to tell me something? Am I losing it? I probably am since I'm once again without my Valium. I’m at the point where I need my Valium to survive and keep my sanity.

The guard comes in with my breakfast. Cold fucking oatmeal again. I can't eat this shit. I leave it sitting on the tray and lie back down to gather my thoughts.

What the hell is my dream trying to tell me...? I stand up and look at the wall. I just don't understand...

“WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?” I yell out as it echoes throughout the jail. 

“Because you’re a sick son of a bitch!” I turn around and see Stan standing outside of my cell. 

“Why are you here?” 

He immediately starts smirking. “I just came to witness you behind bars.” He takes out his phone and takes a picture. He looks at the phone and smiles. “I can’t wait to put this on Instagram!” 

“Dude!” I guess the torture doesn’t end here…

“Did you really think you were going to get away with it?” I ignore him. “I’m glad Bebe was smart enough to send a text warning us! You could still be roaming free to kill again.” 

“Whatever…” 

“Poor Cartman, poor little druggie Cartman…” He begins cackling. 

“I’m not a druggie!” I turn away from him. 

“Oh no?” I hear him shaking something. “So you don’t want these?” I turn around and see him holding up a bottle of Valium…my bottle of Valium. I can feel myself drooling over it. “Come on boy, come get them…” He sticks his arm in between the bars dangling the bottle in front of me. I slowly move closer to it. “That’s it boy!” 

“Stop talking to me like I’m a fucking dog!” I try to grab the bottle, but he snatches it away quickly. 

“You are a fucking dog! A fucking murdering dog!” He smirks again. “How badly do you want these?” 

“Stan…” 

“How badly do you want them?” He repeats. 

“Badly…” 

“Get down and your knees and beg me for them.” I’ve never seen a grin so wide on his face before.

“What?” 

“You heard me!” He points to the ground. “DOWN! Down boy!” 

“I hate you…” I mumble as I get down on my knees. “Please Stan give me my Valium…” 

“Now bark like the dog you are!” 

I roll my eyes. “I’m not barking like a dog!” 

“Valium, now you see it…” He puts the bottle behind his back. “Now you don’t!” 

“Goddamnit…” I start barking. 

Stan cracks up and pats me on the head. “Good boy. Now you get a special treat. Now go fetch!” He throws the bottle in the cell and I rush to get it as he continues to laugh. “Dude, you’re more fucked up than I thought!” This asshole is still laughing at my expense. “Don’t take too many at once. Oh…and don’t kill anyone either. I guess that would be difficult since they have you in isolation in here.” 

“I hate you so much right now Stan…” I can feel myself shaking as I pick up the bottle. 

“The feeling is mutual.” He leaves. 

I look at the bottle and try to resist temptation. I promised Kyle I would stop taking them, but I need them. Stan has caused my anxiety level to go off the charts. Fuck it, I’m taking them. I open the bottle and dump all the remaining pills in my mouth at once. That’s the last thing I remember before everything goes dark…


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I wake up with a massive headache and feeling nauseous. I sit up and the room is spinning. I throw up twice. I quickly lie back down. Usually throwing up makes me feel better, but not this time. 

Just then my cell opens. "You're free to go." The guard tells me.

"Huh?" I'm so confused.

"I said you're free."

"Someone posted my bail again?"

"Nope, there was another murder last night. The charges have been dropped."

"Why?" Not that I’m complaining, it just seems really odd. 

"It was confirmed that the murder weapon used is the same one that was used on Patti and Kyle."

I swallow nervously. "Who was murdered?"

"Wendy Testaburger."

"Wendy?" Oh great, she was supposed to help clear my name. I guess in a way she kind of did, but damn I didn’t want the hoe to die to do it.

He nods. “Yeah, we now have the alleged murder weapon so you’re free.” 

“Umm…thanks.” I walk out of the cell and out to my freedom. I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to get home. I thought about calling Kenny, but instead I decided to walk so I can clear my head. This doesn’t make any sense. I was convinced Stan was behind all of this, but why would he kill Wendy? That’s his girlfriend. None of this makes any sense at all. So now the question is, who did it?

Suddenly a white car pulls up beside me and beeps the horn. I look and see a blonde chick with glasses on. “Get in.” She demands. 

“Do I know you?” 

“Get in.” She says again. 

I shrug and get in the car. It beats walking. She drives off. I look at her and the one thing I notice is this big and obviously fake mole on her cheek. “So who are you?” 

She smiles. “You don’t recognize me?” 

I stare harder at her. “Wendy…?” 

She nods. “That’s my name.” 

“I thought you were dead…”

Wendy shrugs. “I faked it.”

“Why?” 

“So you would get out of jail. It worked.” 

“So now what? You’re going to go into hiding?” 

“For now.” She parks the car. “I want you to ask a girl out on a date…” 

“No way!” This chick is crazy. The last thing I want to do is go out on a date. My last few dates didn’t end well as she knows. 

“It’s important. I’m going to follow you so I can see if something happens. I’m going to record the whole thing.” 

“What if she doesn’t die?” 

She shrugs. “Then you’ll keep going on dates until we can catch the bastard behind this.” 

“I think it’s your boyfriend. He came to visit me yesterday and brought me my Valium.” 

She shakes her head. “Not only am I going to prove your innocence, but I’m going to prove Stan’s too. You really have to stop accusing him before the wrong person starts to suspect him. Like the police.”

“You didn’t see what I saw, he was taunting him with my Valium. It’s like he wanted me to take them and blackout so he could somehow frame me for murder. I’m certain that’s his game plan.” 

“You do realize that only you can control your Valium use, right?” 

I sigh. “Yeah I know…” 

“So you can’t blame Stan for this one. Sorry buddy.” 

“I hope one day you see Stan for the prick that he is.” 

She frowns. “Do you want to go back to jail? Because I’ll let everyone know that I’m alive and they’ll put you right back behind bars! Now stop blaming Stan or else that’s what’s going to happen!” 

“Fine.” I decide to change the subject since I don’t want to piss off the one person on my side. “So who do you want me to ask out on a date?” 

She thinks about it for a minute. “Heidi Turner.” 

“No way, she’s one of Kenny’s fuck buddies. She would never go out with me!” 

“So were Patti, Rebecca, and Bebe…” Wendy reminds me. 

“Bebe and I didn’t go out on a date. He was done with Patti and Rebecca by the time I went out with them.” 

“Then how about Nichole?”

I shake my head. “Nah, Kyle has a huge boner for her. He would kill me if she dies…he said so himself.” 

“Fine, then we’ll go with Heidi. She’s kind of slutty so I’m sure she’ll go out with you.” She smirks. 

I roll my eyes. “Okay, let’s just get this over with.” 

“I’m going to take you to my apartment. Ask her out and tell her you’re going to set up a picnic dinner at Stark’s Pond tomorrow night.” 

“That sounds cheesy as hell.” 

“She likes that cheesy romantic shit! You’ll be fine.” 

“So then what?” 

“You’ll go there and make sure you take your Valium and drink. Like I said before, I’m going to follow you and record everything.” 

“I don’t know if I like this idea…” I can see this going horribly wrong. 

“It’s the best way to clear your name. Isn’t that what you want?” 

“Of course it is.” 

“Okay then. Oh and of course you can’t let anyone know that I’m still alive or else it will ruin everything.” 

“Do you think I’m an idiot?” 

She bursts out laughing. “You don’t want me to answer that. Now let’s get going.” She drives me to her apartment. I’m not sure I like this little plan, but if it will help clear my name then I’m all for it. I’m already feeling anxious and I know the Valium will help me get through this fake date. I just hope I still have some Valium left in one of my secret stashes…


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

As promised, Wendy dropped me off outside of her complex. This is very nerve racking for me, but I'm going to get through this and ask the girl out. I knock on the door and Nichole opens it. "I thought you were in jail..." She states, geez what a greeting. 

"I was, I'm out now. The charges were dropped." I explain to her.

"So why are you here?"

"I..." I think for a moment. "I wanted to offer my condolences to you and Heidi. You two have lost two roommates and I’m sure that's hard on you."

"It is..." We stand there in awkward silence for a moment.

"So...can I come in?"

"I guess..."

I follow her inside and see Heidi sitting on the couch on her iPad. "Cartman's here." Nichole tells her.

"Hi Cartman." Heidi greets me. 

"Hey, how are you holding up?" I ask her as I sit down beside her.

"I'm okay, I just miss my roomies..." She doesn’t really seem that broken up about it.

"Yeah, it's unfortunate what happened to them."

"I didn't think you cared..." She gives me a suspicious look. 

"Why wouldn't I?"

She shrugs. "I guess because it was believed that you were the killer."

"Well it turns out that I'm not. I couldn't kill anyone in jail."

"I guess that's true. Thanks for coming to check on us." She tells me kind of brushing me off. 

"Anytime..." I put my hand on top of hers. She looks down at her hand and looks at Nichole and then at me.

"Cartman...your hand is on mine..."

"Is that a problem?" I smile at her.

She looks down at my hand then back at me and smiles. "I guess not."

"Good. I was wondering if maybe you want to go out sometime?"

She raises her eyebrow. "Why?"

"Why not?"

"Won't Kenny be upset?" Wow, that’s a first. Usually the hoes Kenny’s involved with could care less about what he thinks.

I shrug. "I'm not planning to tell him, are you?"

"I guess not. So when do you want to go out?"

"How does tomorrow night sound?"

She thinks about it for a moment. "That sounds good, where?"

Nichole walks over to us. "Cartman, do you mind if I borrow Heidi for a second?" She asks.

I shrug. "That's fine."

She drags Heidi into a bedroom and closes the door. I decide to eavesdrop. "Remember he was accused of murder..." I hear Nichole tell Heidi.

"But he didn't kill Wendy since he was in jail. He's more than likely innocent of the other murders too." Thank you Heidi for taking my side.

"Are you sure you really want to go on a date with him? I would be worried if I were you." Fuck you bitch! Maybe I should be worried about you. 

"Nichole, it's fine." I’m glad she has her own mind. 

"Then I'm coming with you guys."

"Why?" I agree, why? 

"Just to be on the safe side."

"I think Cartman might be offended."

“I’m sure he’ll understand given what’s happened within the last few weeks. If he doesn’t, who gives a shit? I’m worried about you. I don’t want to lose anymore roommates.” 

“That’s so sweet that you care! Fine, I’ll tell him you’re coming with us.” 

I quickly move back to the couch as they sound like they’re coming out of the room. I pull out my cell phone and pretend like I’m looking at apps on my phone. They walk out of the room whispering amongst themselves. 

Heidi looks at me and clears her throat. “Cartman, I will go out with you tomorrow, but only if Nichole comes too.” 

“That’s cool. We can go down to Stark’s Pond.” 

“Stark’s Pond?” Nichole repeats. “Why not somewhere romantic? You need to learn how to take a girl out.” She laughs, but I know she meant what she said.

“Well I figured if it’s going to be the three of us, we might as well do something less…formal.” I lie.

“Stark’s Pond is fine Cartman.” Heidi smiles.

“Great, do you guys want to meet there around 7?” I ask. 

Heidi and Nicole exchange looks then look at me. “That’s fine Eric.” Heidi responds smiling.

“Great…” Watching the two of them look at me has completely made this thing extremely awkward. “So, yeah…umm…I guess I’ll see you ladies tomorrow.” 

“See you!” They say in unison as I leave. I head out of the complex and get back in the car with Wendy and she quickly pulls off. 

“So, did you get her to agree to going out with you?” Wendy asks.

I nod. “The only thing is, Nichole is coming too…” 

“That’s perfect!” Wendy grins. 

“It is…?” 

“YES! That’s another witness! You need as many as you can get.”

“What if Stan decides to kill Nichole and Heidi?” I suggest. 

“Cartman…” She shoots me a warning look.

I forgot she doesn’t like me accusing her precious Stan of being the killer. “Sorry, what if the “killer” decides to kill both of them?” 

“I won’t let that happen.” Wendy states confidently.

“How are you going to prevent it?” 

“Stop asking questions, just know I’ll handle it if things get out of pocket.” 

I shrug. “If you say so. Just remember three women are dead and one guy is in a coma…” I remind her. “Were you able to prevent those?” 

“I wasn’t there when they happened, you fucking smartass! I’m trying to help you here!” 

“I’m just saying bitch…” 

“Bitch?” She brakes angrily. “Okay, you know what? Forget it! I don’t want to help you anymore! I’ll let the police know I’m really alive! You can have fun in jail fat ass!” 

“Okay, okay. Calm down hoe!” She shoots me another warning look. “Sorry all right, damn!” 

“That’s more like it!” She smiles proudly and continues driving. 

I roll my eyes. “So what’s next?”

“I’m going to take you back to your apartment. Let me know if you have any Valium left because you’re going to need it for your date tomorrow.” 

“So what if I black out?”

“I want to see what happens when you do so the Valium is very important.” 

I nod. I’m still not 100 percent sure about this idea. I’m hoping we finally catch the real killer once and for all, but I’m nervous about the possibility of sacrificing not one, but two women to catch this asshole. I hope Wendy’s right, I hope she can prevent them from getting killed. I’m not 100 percent though…


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

As soon as I got home, I immediately started searching my room for my Valium. I know I have a few hidden stashes around here. There's no way I've went through all of them. I can’t call my doctor and say I lost my prescription again because of the overdose. Damnit, I have to find my Valium!

"Looking for something?" I turn and see Kenny standing in my doorway.

"Umm, yeah...I was trying to find this $20 bill I misplaced." I lie.

"Really? Since when do you carry cash?"

I chuckle nervously. "Well this is why I don't, I always misplace it."

"You sure you're not looking for your Valium? You know the one you agreed to stop taking..."

"Of course not. I'm a man of my word." I lie again. 

"Uh huh, so what's up with you and Heidi?"

"What do you mean?"

"I heard you're going out on a date with her."

Damn, how did he find out already? "Well it's more of a group outing. I'm hanging out with her and Nichole tomorrow."

"Why?"

I shrug. "Why not? We've bonded over the fact that two of their roommates are dead."

"Uh huh..." Kenny eyeballs me suspiciously. “Like you give a shit!”

"Should be fun." I say ignoring his smart ass comment. 

"So are you planning to fuck Heidi?" Kenny asks so crudely. 

"I wasn't planning on it."

He shakes his head. "You keep going after my sloppy seconds. What's up with that?"

"I'm not going after them..."

"Patti, Rebecca, Bebe, now Heidi. You know Kyle has a crush on Nichole so I guess that's why you invited her to come along."

I laugh. "A little paranoid there, aren't you? Are you jealous because these girls find me hot and buff?"

He chuckles. "You really believe that?"

"You know it's true as well as I do!"

He bursts out laughing. "Oh please Cartman, you're a joke and these girls think you are too. They only agreed to go out with you because they feel bad that no one else will go out with you!"

"Why do you even care? You said you see all women as whores."

"I still do, but I'm just letting you know that my girls don't want you."

"Did you ever think maybe they were using you to get to me? I can understand why..."

“Whatever dude. I guess I better go have sex with Heidi before your little “date” that will be the last time she’s seen alive.”

What an odd thing to say. “What makes you say that?” 

“We know your track record. If it’s not you doing the actual killings, it’s someone who has it out for you that is.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s not me!” I tell him. Wendy is going to help me prove that once and for all even though Kenny doesn’t know that.

“You better hope it’s not.” He gives me a stern look before leaving. He sure was acting strange. I wonder if…no he couldn’t be…could he? I shrug it off and continue my search for my Valium.

The next evening, Wendy drops me off at Stark’s Pond. “Now remember, I’ll be here recording everything that goes down.” Wendy reminds me. 

“I remember…” I tell her nervously.

She hands me a red cup as I eyeball it suspiciously. “It’s whiskey, drink up!” I quickly down the drink which shocks Wendy. “You did find your Valium, right?” 

I nod. “I took 5 of them.” 

“Jesus Christ Cartman, are you trying to kill yourself? I only expected you to take one or two! I guess I should’ve asked that before I gave you alcohol.” 

“I’m going to be out with two hot girls, I had to relax my nerves! I have to be prepared for anything if you know what I mean.” I wink at her.

She shakes her head. “You’re so stupid and shallow! Just be careful!” 

“I will.” Wendy hands me a blanket and a picnic basket and I get out of the car. I head over to the pond and see Heidi there alone. 

“There you are! I was starting to think you were standing me up!” She tells me.

“Sorry about that, I was…” I look down at the picnic basket. “I was preparing a picnic.” I lie. “What happened to Nichole?” 

She points at the parking lot. “She’s in the car. She didn’t want to completely interfere on our date so she’s keeping an eye on things from the car. She’s my chaperone.” 

“That’s cool…” Little does she know I have one too. I’m just hoping Nichole doesn’t see Wendy and recognize her. That will ruin everything.

“So what did you pack?” 

“Umm…it’s a surprise.” I lie the blanket down and set down the picnic basket. 

“That’s cool, I got the wine.” Heidi holds up her wine bottle as she sits down. I sit down beside her and I’m starting to feel a headache coming on. I open the picnic basket and take out two sandwiches. I hand one to Heidi and she examines it and smiles. “Turkey and cheese, my favorite! How did you know?” 

I shrug. “Lucky guess.” 

“Kenny told you, didn’t he?” She smirks. 

I shake my head. “Like I said it was a lucky guess.” My headache is starting to feel worse. I put my hand over my head. 

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” 

“Good.” She pulls out two plastic cups and pours wine in them. “You know, I never saw you as the romantic type.” She hands me a cup and I immediately start drinking it.

“I’m really not. But I know you dumb girls like this shit for some reason.” 

She rolls her eyes. “You know if you really want a girl to like you, you shouldn’t say things like “dumb girls”. It’s insulting.” 

Damnit, she’s making my headache worse with her fucking whining. “Whatever you say Heidi. Just eat up bitch!” 

“Oh my God, you’re so rude!” She stands up. “I should’ve known this was a bad idea. I was trying to be nice, but you really are an asshole! Enjoy the rest of this date alone!” She starts to walk away. 

“No Heidi wait, I’m sorry!” I stand up and immediately fall right back down. 

Heidi rushes back over to me. “Are you okay? You may be an asshole, but I’m not going to leave you alone if you’re not well…” 

“Heidi…” I grab her arm and that’s the last thing I remember before everything goes black…


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Cartman? Cartman, wake up!" Suddenly I'm kicked.

"Huh?" I open my eyes and see Wendy standing over me. Once again, my head is killing me. "Wendy? What's going on?"

"You blacked out again..."

I sit up and realize that not only am I at Stark's Pond, but I'm surrounded by not only Wendy, but Stan and Kenny too. I guess the cat’s out of the bag about her being alive. "What the hell are you assholes doing here?"

"They came to help." Wendy explains.

"Help with what? Where's Heidi?"

"Over there..." She points.

I slowly stand up and walk towards Heidi and see her bloody dead body lying there. I turn and look at Wendy. "You saw what happened?" She nods. "So who did this?"

"It was me Eric..." I hear a little familiar voice say. I turn around and see...

"Cupid Me?" Sure enough there's Cupid Me covered in blood with a knife in his hand.

"It was me all along Eric..."

"But why? Why did you kill all these women?"

"Because they were in my way..."

"How?"

"You know how I feel about you Eric..."

I roll my eyes. "Oh God, not this again..."

"I couldn't let them take my one true love from me..."

"I told you Cupid Me, I'm not gay!"

"But I could do things to you that none of those girls could!" Oh Jesus Christ he’s grossing me out.

"But I'm not gay!" I think about it for a minute. "So are you responsible for my mom's disappearance too?"

"I had to! She was trying to convince you I wasn't real!"

My eyes widen. "What did you do to my mom?"

"She's fine. I put her in the bomb shelter you built for Butters years ago."

I knew one day that would come back to haunt me, but I’m relieved that my mom may still be alive. "You're fucking crazy!"

"Crazy for you Eric! Patti was using you and she hit you. I followed that slutty bitch and stabbed her. I hated that you had sex with Rebecca so I bashed her in the head with a wine bottle, but that didn’t kill her so I smothered her with a pillow until she took her last breath. Bebe was a rude bitch that’s why I had to drown her in the pool. Kyle was getting too close to the truth so I stabbed him. As for Heidi, I felt was getting too close after trying to leave the date to so I had to slam her head onto a rock and slit her throat."

My jaw drops. I just can’t believe all of this. “I can’t believe you did this Cupid Me! You know I went to jail for this shit?”

“It’s over now Eric, now I have you all to myself!” 

“No you don’t! I’m not attracted to guys goddamnit!” 

"Cartman?" Wendy calls out to me. I turn and look at her. "Who the fuck is Cupid Me?"

"I told you he kept saying that after he killed Patti..." Stan tells her. “He’s fucking certifiable.”

"You guys don't see him?" I ask them as the three of them shake their heads. "He's right there!" I point at Cupid Me. "He's the one that killed them! He's even responsible for my mom's disappearance."

"Cartman..." Wendy slowly moves closer to me.

"You guys didn't hear that? He confessed to everything!"

"Cartman, there's no one there!"

"Don't listen to her Eric!" Cupid Me steps in.

"You didn't hear that?" I ask Wendy.

Wendy looks at Stan and Kenny and back at me. "I didn't hear anything."

"Why can't you see or hear him?" I don’t understand that. He’s in the flesh, loud and clear. 

"There's no one there Cartman..."

"She's lying Eric!" Cupid Me cries out.

"Wendy, he's right there!" I look at Stan and Kenny. "You guys see him, right?" They shake their heads.

“Dude, you’ve lost it!” Kenny tells me. 

“Completely.” Stan adds.

Now I’m getting really frustrated. “How can you guys not see him?” 

“They don’t want to see the truth Eric…” Cupid Me tells me. “They never wanted to see it…” 

I turn to Cupid Me. “Tell them again, the obviously didn’t hear you the first time! Tell them Cupid Me!” 

“Cartman?” I turn and look at Wendy. “There’s no one there. It was you all along…” She gently tells me. 

“What are you talking about? I didn’t kill anyone! You were here this time to witness it!” 

Wendy nods slowly. “That’s right, I did witness it. I-“ 

“Then you saw Cupid Me slam Heidi’s head onto that rock! You saw him slit her throat just like he said!” I interrupt her.

She shakes her head. “No Cartman! You did that! You grabbed Heidi when she was trying to help you. She tried to break away and fight you off. You ended up shoving her down and that’s how she hit her head on the rock. She was weak and tried to get up, but you pulled out your knife and slit her throat…” 

“No…” I say in disbelief. I turn around and look and see that Cupid Me has disappeared. Where the fuck did he go?

“Nichole tried to stop you from hurting Heidi, she grabbed you, but you attacked Nichole. She was able to flee back to her car and I’m assuming she went for help.” 

“This isn’t true!” 

Wendy begins to tear up. “Unfortunately, it is true. I recorded all of it as promised. Plus, you’re still holding the knife you killed Heidi with and you have Nichole’s hand prints on your arms from where she grabbed you…” 

I look down and see I’m holding a bloody knife and there’s blood all over my clothes. I immediately drop the knife. I hold my arms up and see that I really do have red hand prints on them. I drop now to my knees. I think I’m going to be sick…

Wendy puts her hand on my shoulder. “I really wanted to believe in your innocence, I really did. You’re sick Cartman. I’m going to make sure you get the help you need…” 

I glare at her and push her hand away. “Don’t touch me!” 

“I just want to help you.” She tries to grab my arm, but I quickly jerk away. 

“Stay away from me! Leave me alone!” With that, I take off! I have no idea where I’m going or what I’m going to do. I just know I didn’t to get far away as possible and I need my Valium too…


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I can't believe it! Cupid Me is real! He's responsible for all of this! No one believes me and it sucks! How is it that no one heard his confession? Could it have all been in my head? I’m so confused right now.

The first place I go is to the bomb shelter. I go inside and I see my mom chained to the wall. "Mom?" Her eyes are closed so I’m not even sure if she’s still alive.

She opens her eyes. "Eric...?" She says weakly.

I hug her. "Mom, I'm so sorry..."

"Oh Eric!"

I try to break the chains. "I'm going to get you out of this."

"You have the key Eric."

"I do?" I ask confused. 

"Yes, you've unlocked them a few times."

I close my eyes. I can't believe all these years, I've spoken to and interacted with my mom and didn't realize it. "I have no clue where it is. Mom, I'm so confused. I've done things...horrible things to people and I don't remember doing it."

"I know you don't remember Eric..."

"You know?"

She nods. "You haven't been in your right mind in years. I tried to get you help, but you weren't getting any better. I knew things took a turn for the worst when you locked me up down here." She explains.

"How come you never tried to escape?"

She shakes the chains. "I did, but you have these things so tight that I couldn't."

"I'm really sorry mom..."

"That's okay, just hurry and find the key. Once I'm out of here, I'll make sure you get the help you need." She smiles.

Suddenly I remember Wendy's words...

_"You're sick Cartman. I'm going to make sure you get the help you need."_

I back away from her. "No!"

"Eric, I just want to help." Mom tells me.

"No you don't! You think I'm crazy, don't you?"

"No!"

"Yeah right! You think I'm making Cupid Me up, don't you?"

"Eric, sweetie-"

"Don't you dare try to patronize me, mom!" I interrupt her yelling.

"I just want to help..." She repeats. 

"No you don't! You want to have me locked up in the crazy house! I'm going to prove to you and everyone else that Cupid Me is real!" I suddenly feel my headache coming back.

"Eric please!"

"No! I'm not letting you or anyone send me to the crazy house!"

"I'm not going to send you there Eric. But you know that Cupid Me isn't real. You admitted that."

"No I didn't!"

"You said you did horrible things, to me that sounded like you acknowledged that Cupid Me isn't real. Cupid Me is YOU!"

My headache is getting worse. "Stop it mom!"

"This is why you locked me down here, because you said I was getting on the way of you and Cupid Me." I put my hands on my head. “I just want you to realize that he’s not real. You know this deep down. You committed those murders, not Cupid Me.” 

I look at her. “You know about the murders?”

She nods. “You came here and told me about it after every single one. You even kept your knife here…” 

“This is impossible…” 

“It’s true Eric.” 

I pick up the knife and look at it as things start coming back to me. 

_“Stop following me! You’re disgusting!” Patti shouts out me._

_“Bitch, you punched me! Look at my lip!”_

_“Fuck you! I don’t care! I asked you to stop touching me and you wouldn’t listen! You got exactly what you deserved!” I grab her and pull her close to me. “Let me go!”_

_“Now you’re going to get exactly what you deserve!” I pull out a knife and stab her. She screams for help, but I keep stabbing her until the screaming stops._

“That wasn’t me! That was Cupid Me! He admitted that himself!” 

_I look at Rebecca lying in my bed sleeping. I grab the wine bottle and hold it up. Rebecca opens her eyes. “Cartman…what are you doing?” I don’t answer her, instead, I take the wine bottle and bash her in the head with it. She closes her eyes as blood begins dripping down her face. I stand up and walk over to the other side of the bed to examine her. She opens her eyes. “Why Cartman?” She asks. Again, I don’t answer. I take a pillow and put her over her face. She starts twitching. She even digs her nails into my arms. I press down harder on the pillow. After about ten minutes of holding the pillow, she finally stops twitching…_

I look at my arms and I can see scars that look like nail marks. “What the fuck? This doesn’t make any sense…” I whisper. How did I not notice this before?

_I get in the pool and swim to Bebe. “What do you want, you murderer?”_

_I grab her by the throat and start choking her. “For the last time, I’m not a murderer!” I push her down in the water. After a few seconds she manages to get her head out of the water and tries to catch her breath. I push her back down under. She tries to waves her hands, but it doesn’t do her any good. Within moments, all movement from her ceases. I let her go and she floats to the top…_

“I’m going to be sick…” I throw up. 

_“I figured out who’s behind the murders.” I hear Kyle tell someone on the phone. It’s probably Kenny. “Yeah dude, I’m going to the police station right now.” That’s what he thinks! “Don’t worry, I’m gathering my evidence and I’m going to Officer Barbrady right now…thanks! It’s going to be over very soon!”_

_I see Kyle grab his keys and I start moving closer to him. “Ike?” He calls out. As soon as Kyle makes it to the door, I run up behind him and stab him in the back. “OW!” He cries out and falls over. I stab him several more times._

_“You’re not going to Barbrady about anything, Jew!”_

I shake my head. “But…I was in the hospital when that happened. How could I have done that? More proof that it was really Cupid Me!”

_“Heidi…” I grab her arm._

_“Cartman, you’re hurting me!”_

_“No I’m not!” I stand up, still holding onto her arm._

_“Let me go!” She tries to fight me off of her._

_“Fine, I’ll let you go!” I let her go shoving her hard in the process. She falls over, hitting her head hard on a rock on the way down. I bend down and raise her head up and see blood all over the rock. I can feel that she still has a pulse. I grab my knife and slit her throat._

_“Get away from her, you fucking psycho!” Nichole tries to grab the knife from me. I drop the knife and Nichole gets a tight grip on my wrists. “So it was you all along? I’m not going to let you get away with this!”_

_I push Nichole off of me and slap her. “I already have, and you’re next!” I pick up the knife, but she takes off just as quickly…_

I put my hands on my head and continue shaking it. “Stop it, stop it, STOP IT! I’m innocent! I’m innocent I tell you!” 

“Eric, the sooner you admit you have a problem, the sooner you can get help.” Mom gently tells me.

“I don’t need help! I need to find Cupid Me!” 

“Cupid Me isn’t-“ She starts to say, but I cut her off.

“Don’t you dare say it again mom! He’s real and I’m going to find him and clear my name!” I leave the bomb shelter and head to my apartment. I guarantee his pussy ass is there waiting for me! I’m going to put an end to him once and for all!


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

I finally made it to my apartment in search for Cupid Me. I'm going to prove to all these assholes that he's real. "Come out here Cupid Me!" No response. "Come on you little pussy! Show yourself!" I continue searching, but I'm coming up empty. I can't find any Valium either. This isn't good.

"Cartman?" I turn and see Kenny and Wendy. When the hell did they get here? "It's over..." Kenny tells me.

"It's not over! I'm going to show you that Cupid Me is real!"

"He's not Cartman, you have to face facts." Wendy steps in.

"I'm going to prove it!"

"It's too late, the police are already on the way."

"You hear that Cupid Me? The police are coming to arrest you!" I continue searching for that little fucker.

"There's no Cupid Me!"

"He's here somewhere. I'm trying to find him!"

"Cartman, you have to stop this!" Wendy sounds like she’s getting upset.

"I’m not stopping until I prove all of you wrong!"

I see Kenny looking out the window. "You better make it quick because the police are here."

"Shit! Bring your bitch ass out here now Cupid Me!" I’m now looking in my closet. 

"There's no...never mind. It's a moot point." Wendy adds in.

“Cupid Me! I’m seriously! Show yourself asshole!” 

“He’s lost it…” I hear Kenny whisper to Wendy. 

“I haven’t lost it! I’m telling you guys he’s real! You’ll find out soon enough!” I hear a knock on the door as I'm still looking for Cupid Me.

"I'll get the door." Kenny announces.

"Cartman, you better stop this." Wendy tells me. "The police are here."

"They can't come yet! Cupid Me isn't here yet."

"Cartman..."

Just then Officer Barbrady comes in the room. "Eric Cartman, you're under arrest, for the murders of Patti Nelson, Rebecca Cotswold, Bebe Stevens, and Heidi Turner, the attempted murder of Kyle Broflovski, and the disappearance of Liane Cartman."

"My mom didn’t disappear. She's in a bomb shelter." I admit.

"What?"

"Cupid Me locked her down there. I have to find the key."

"Cupid what?" Officer Barbrady scratches his head. 

"Cupid Me! He's responsible for everything not me! He admitted to killing those girls! He’s the one that stabbed Kyle and locked my mom in that bomb shelter all those years ago! It was him not me! I’m innocent!"

"Who's Cupid Me?"

"Cartman's imaginary friend." Kenny laughs.

"He's real damnit!" I shout at Kenny.

"Then where is he?" Officer Barbrady asks me. "If he's really guilty of murder, I need to question him."

"Why are you entertaining this?" Wendy steps in. "Cupid Me doesn't exist! It was Cartman all along and he needs help."

"Eric said he confessed."

"Oh my god, you're so stupid!"

"I have to take any confession seriously." He looks at me. "Now where is this Cupid Me?"

I shrug. "I'm not sure, I've been trying to find him."

"I'll take you to the station so you can give me a description of him. Then I’ll send out an APB." Officer Barbrady proceeds to put me in handcuffs. I’m getting ready to go to jail for crimes I didn’t even commit. This is fucked up! 

Wendy's POV

That night, I'm lying in bed with Stan watching a movie. I'm not really paying attention to the movie because I'm thinking about Cartman and wondering what's going to happen to him.

"What's the matter?" Stan asks me snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?"

"You seem really distracted."

"I do?"

He snickers. "Yeah, I was giving you a massage and kissing your neck and you didn't respond." He puts his arm around me.

"Oh..."

"Oh?” He moves his arm. “What's on your mind Wendy?"

"I was just thinking about Cartman."

Stan rolls his eyes. "Fuck that crazy asshole! He's in jail where he belongs."

"He needs help..."

“Wendy, that dude killed 4 people, two of them were your really good friends, he injured Nichole, and Kyle is still in a coma! Not to mention he kidnapped his own mother!” 

“He’s sick Stan! How can you not see that?” 

Stan raises his eyebrow. “Why are you defending him? After everything he’s done and he still hasn’t taken responsibility for his actions. Blaming some Cupid Me or some shit! What a nutcase!” 

“I just think there’s more to the story…” 

“I don’t want to talk about Cartman anymore.” He stands up and heads towards the door. “I guess I’ll catch you when you get over this whatever it is you have going on with Cartman!” 

“Stan!” I try to stop him, but it’s too late. I guess I owe him an apology, but I’ll do that later. I think I’ll go and see if I can talk to Cartman. 

I decided to wait until the next afternoon to see Cartman. Unfortunately, the guard said he can’t have any visitors so I go see Officer Barbrady. “Why can’t I see Cartman?” I ask him bluntly. 

“He’s in isolation, no one can see him.” He informs me.

“But why?” 

“He’s completely snapped. I finally realized what Cupid Me is…” 

“What? Are you saying he’s real?” 

“He gave me a description of him and this is what our sketch artist has come up with.” He hands me a drawing. 

My jaw drops. “This looks like Cartman…dressed as Cupid.” 

“Exactly. We found his mom and got her out of that bomb shelter. She confirmed that Cupid Me is Eric’s alter ego and he admitted to her that he’s behind all the murders.” 

“There has to be more to the story…” 

He shrugs. “Maybe you should talk to his mother.” 

“Is she home?” 

He shakes his head. “She’s in the hospital. She’s very weak from being locked up in the bomb shelter all these years. It’s a miracle she’s even alive.” 

I nod in agreement. “So what’s going to happen to Cartman?” 

“He has to go to trial for the murders. He’s going to be in here for the rest of his life, I can guarantee you of that.”

Not if I can help it. “Thanks Officer Barbrady!” I tell him before rushing out. I think it’s time for me to have a chat with Ms. Cartman. I have the feeling she may know more than she’s letting on.


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Wendy's POV

I decided to pay Ms. Cartman a visit at the hospital. I want to find out more about Cartman's past and she’s the key. "Hi Ms. Cartman." I greet her when I walk in the room.

She looks at me. "Hi...Wendy, right?"

"That's right. How are you feeling?"

"I'm doing well. It feels great to see the light of day again." She smiles. I swear this woman is always so pleasant. Sometimes I find it hard to believe she’s Cartman’s mom.

"That's good. So I wanted to talk to you about your son."

"What about him?"

"I want to know where this Cupid Me idea came from."

She sighs. "You may want to sit down for this."

"Okay." This sounds juicy. I pull up a chair.

"Eric has Dissociative Personality Disorder."

"So it's not anxiety?"

She shakes her head. "Anxiety was a misdiagnosis. He was diagnosed with anxiety when he was 12-"

"Wait, I thought that happened after you "disappeared"?" I ask cutting her off.

"Oh no, he was diagnosed long before that. He was put on medication when he was 16. When he was 17, that's when he was diagnosed with the personality disorder. We found that out the day he locked me in the bomb shelter."

"Wow, I can't believe this..." Cartman told a completely different side of the story. I wonder if the story he told is the way he remembers it or if he’s just a really good liar…

"He was 10 when I first heard him mention Cupid Me." Ms. Cartman continues.

"What did he say?"

"He was arguing in his room with him. I couldn't tell what the argument was about, but I really didn't pay it any mind because I thought he was playing with his stuffed animals."

"Arguing?"

She nods. "He was saying that he's not in love with him because he's not gay. I walked in his room and he was still arguing, but there was no one there."

"So what did you do?"

"At the time I shrugged it off, like I said, I thought he was playing with his stuffed animals. But then it became a constant thing. So one day I confronted him."

"How long had it been going on by the time you confronted him?"

"Two years."

"Two years?" I ask in shock. 

She nods. "I finally asked him who was he talking to and he said Cupid Me and told me he was right there. Of course there was no one there."

"This is crazy…" I whisper to myself. 

"I took him to see a therapist and he was diagnosed for anxiety disorder. Because of his age, they didn't want to put him on medication."

I nod. "That makes sense."

"But he kept seeing this Cupid Me and once he turned 16, he was prescribed Valium. Again, the doctors were still under the impression that he was suffering from anxiety."

"Then he got worse?"

She nods. "The arguments between him and Cupid Me kept getting worse. It was to the point where he was hurting himself to where he bruised and blaming it on Cupid Me so I took him back to the doctor."

"Is that when he was diagnosed with Dissociative Personality Disorder?"

Ms. Cartman nods again."That's right. He was even taken off the Valium for awhile since there's no real cure for it."

"So he's been taking it illegally all this time?"

She shakes her head. "Not exactly. He was able to get it again after he kidnapped me."

"How did that happen?"

"He managed to convince the doctor that he was having severe anxiety attacks."

"But why did he kidnap you?"

"He was supposed to start hypnotherapy. I was hoping it would erase this Cupid Me thing from his mind or at least find out where it came from. Maybe even give psychotherapy a try if that didn’t work."

"Was he aware that he was going to therapy?"

"Yes. Just before we left to go, he had this look..." She begins describes.

"A murderous look?"

"It wasn't that intense. But he had this look and I remember him saying I'm not going to hurt you. Then I woke up in the bomb shelter."

"But why did he lock you up?"

"It was "Cupid Me" his other personality. He thought I was trying to take Eric from him. Cupid Me is madly in love with Eric and wants him to himself."

"So...Cartman is in love with himself?"

"Pretty much."

Sheesh, he can add narcissistic to the list of problems. “Wow, this is all really interesting. So do you know what triggers him to turn into his Cupid Me persona?” 

She nods. “I’m pretty sure anytime Eric shows interest in anyone, that’s when Cupid Me comes out of him.” 

That gave me an idea. “So couldn’t he pled insanity and get the help he needs?” 

Ms. Cartman shakes her head. “If only Eric wasn’t convinced that Cupid Me was a real person…” 

“I’m going to go back to the jail to see if I can talk to him.” 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Wendy…”

“I have to. I knew Cartman couldn’t be the monster everyone thinks he is. I don’t think he deserves to be in jail. A mental hospital, yes. Jail, no.” 

“I can’t stop you, but I’m warning you, things could get ugly.” 

“I’m not worried about that. I’ll see you later.” I leave the hospital and immediately head back to the police station. I have to figure out a way to convince Officer Barbrady to let me in to see Cartman. I’m going to get in there one way or another. 

“Wendy, I already told you he’s-“ Barbrady starts to say before I cut him off.

“You have to let me in there. I’m probably the one person that can get through to him.” I explain.

He raises his eyebrow. “How so…?”

“I can’t explain it to you, but I really need to speak to him. Please?” 

He stares awkwardly for a minute. “You know, don’t think I forgot that you faked your death to get him out of jail before. Once you did that, another person was actually murdered…”

“What are you trying to say?” 

“You’re in cahoots with him, aren’t you?” 

“NO!” 

“Uh huh! That’s why you’re so desperate to talk to him now. You two are planning the next murder. You want him to finish the job he started on Nichole? Or maybe even Kyle?” 

“I only faked my death because I didn’t think he was responsible for the murders. If I thought he was, I never would’ve done that.” 

“I should lock you up for being an accomplice.” Barbrady threatens.

I shrug. “If you put me in a cell by Cartman, that’s fine. That will give me a chance to talk to him.” 

“That’s not going to happen.” 

“Then will you please let me talk to him? I have more information about him and Cupid Me and I want to speak to him about it.” I plead with him. 

He sighs. “I’ll let you see him on one condition, I go with you and record anything incriminating.” 

The whole damn conversation will be incriminating, but I guess I really don’t have a choice. “Have it your way.” 

He picks up a tape recorder and walks out from behind his desk. “Follow me.” He orders. I follow him to the cells. We head to isolation and we’re both in shock when we see blood all over Cartman’s cell. Cartman is standing up against the wall facing it. “What the hell is going on in here? Where’s the guard?” 

“I don’t know…” He answers. 

“Cartman, what happened in here?” I ask him. 

He starts laughing. “I did, I finally did it. It’s over!” 

“What’s over?” Barbrady asks him. 

“I killed him! I killed Cupid Me!” 

I’m so confused. How can he…nevermind. “Cartman, you’re in the cell by yourself…” 

He turns around and he’s covered in blood. I look and see that it appears he’s slit his own wrists. He has a sick sadistic smile on his face. “I’m alone now. Cupid Me is dead. See?” He points at the ground, but there’s nothing there but a pool of blood as Cartman continues to laugh sadistically. Barbrady and I exchange glances.


	17. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"Cartman?" I hear in a whisper. "Cartman, wake up." I open my eyes and see Wendy standing over me. I see I’m in an all white room. It must be a hospital room. "What's going on? Why are you here?"

"I'm here visiting." She tells me.

I sit up and realize I can't move my arms. I look down and see I'm in a straight jacket. "What the hell is this?" Oh great, I’m in the fucking psych ward!

"It's so you don't harm yourself." Wendy informs me. 

"Why the hell would I do that?"

"You almost killed yourself in jail."

"No I didn't! I killed Cupid Me!"

She shakes her head. "Cupid Me was never real."

"He was! I killed him when he came to visit me in jail!"

She shakes her head again. "No, you slit your wrists and stabbed yourself. You nearly died!"

"Yeah right! If I weren't in this straight jacket, I would prove to you that you're wrong!"

"That's why you're in it! That's why you're in a mental hospital!"

I’m so sick of hearing her lies. "Stop it Wendy! Stop saying crazy things! I would never try to kill myself."

"Maybe not intentionally." She mumbles loud enough for me to hear. 

"Get me out of this thing and I'll prove it!" I wiggle around a bit.

"You know I can't do that."

"Then why are you here? If you're not here to help prove my innocence, you're wasting your time and mine."

“I tried to prove your innocence, but you were guilty! I have it all on tape!” 

“You have Cupid Me on tape…”

“YOU ARE CUPID ME!” She screams. 

“Well since you won’t help me…” I struggle to get myself out of this stupid straight jacket.

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m going to prove to you that I didn’t try to kill myself.” I continue my struggle with the straight jacket. After moments of struggling, I manage to get it off as Wendy’s jaw drops.

“I can’t believe it…” Wendy whispers.

“Now I’m going to prove once and for all that Cupid Me is real!” I roll up my sleeves. “See?” 

She looks down at my arms then back up at me. “Umm…Cartman? You may need to take a look…”

I look down and see my wrists are bandaged up. “What the fuck?” 

“I tried to tell you…” Wendy grabs my shirt and lifts it up. “There’s more.” 

I look down and see multiple stab wounds on my stomach. “No way…” I slowly back up.

Wendy nods. “I tried to warn you Cartman. You are Cupid Me! You didn’t kill Cupid Me, you almost killed yourself. This is why you’re in a padded room.” 

I sit down and look at the ground. “Why were you so desperate to help me…?”

“Because I didn’t think you could ever hurt anyone.” 

“Why? I mean you went as far as faking your own death to prove I’m innocent. What was the point of that?”

“Because I like you!” She blushes. “I’ve liked you for the longest time. Everyone always said you’re a monster, you’re evil, you’re this and that, but I didn’t listen. Yes you can be an asshole, but I just knew deep down in there somewhere there was kind a gentle soul.” She looks down. “I guess I was only kidding myself…” 

I yank out one of the belt buckles out of the straight jacket and start laughing. “I knew it!” 

She frowns. “What’s so funny?” 

I continue laughing as I put my hands behind my back and start walking closer to her. “YOU! I knew all along you wanted Eric!” 

“Cartman…?” She starts backing away. 

“You couldn’t leave well enough alone. Don’t you realize your little crush has now cost you your life?” 

Wendy rolls her eyes. “Let me guess, you’re Cupid Me now?” 

I smile. “Why Wendy, whatever do you mean? You said I’m not real, remember? Isn’t that what you told Eric?” 

I can now see the fear in her eyes. “I’m getting out of here! You’re fucking crazy!” She turns to leave, but before she can make it to the door, I grab the belt buckle and put it around her neck and start choking her with it.

Wendy’s POV

Oh my God! He’s choking me! I try to fight him off, but I’m unable to. “Cartman…stop…” I struggle to get out. I’m starting to feel dizzy. 

“You should’ve left Eric alone! Eric belongs to me! He’s mine and none of you skanks can have him! I refuse to let any of you have him! That’s why I got rid of my competition!” He continues choking me. 

This is why I said he needs help, this guy is totally certifiable. “Help…” I weakly call out. 

“No one can help you now! Die you BICTH!” 

I feel things starting to go dark when suddenly…

“Eric, stop it!” I use what little strength I have to look and see Ms. Cartman who’s now in the room. 

“Mom?” I can’t tell if he’s Cartman or Cupid Me.

“Let Wendy go Eric…” She gently tells him. He does what she tells him. I try to catch my breath. “Good…” Ms. Cartman kneels down beside me. “Are you okay?” 

I nod. “Yeah, I can’t believe he was trying to kill me…” 

“I warned you to stay away. He can switch personas at any time.” I nod in agreement. “I want you to go, I don’t want you to see what happens next.” I nod once again, but I haven’t managed to get the strength to get up and leave just yet. Ms. Cartman walks over to Cartman. “Eric?” 

“Mom…what…happened?” He asks her. 

“You just tried to strangle Wendy, honey.” 

“No way! She’s been trying to help me…” I notice a crack in his voice.

“Yes she was. This has to stop Eric.” 

He shakes his head. “I can’t stop it Mom. I thought I got rid of him, but he’s still here.” 

Ms. Cartman pulls him into a hug and Cartman actually cries in her arms. “We’ll get rid of him once and for all hon…”

“I hope so mom. I want my life back!” 

“Me too…” During the hug, I notice Ms. Cartman reaching into her pocket. She pulls out a knife and stabs Cartman in the back! My eyes widen in horror. 

“MOM? What the hell?” Cartman screams out in pain as he falls over. 

“I’m sorry Eric. This is the only way.” She takes the knife and stabs him in the chest. “I love you so much Eric and I’m going to miss you.” She stabs him again. 

“Goodbye mom…” He says weakly as he closes his eyes. Ms. Cartman stabs him once more. She looks at me. 

“I told you, you didn’t want to see this.”

“Is he really dead…?” I ask her. 

She checks his pulse and nods. “It’s over, it’s all over…”


	18. Epilogue

Epilogue

One month later…

Wendy's POV

Stan and I decided to pay Kyle a visit in the hospital since he's now out of a coma. We catch him up on everything that went on while he was in a coma. From me faking my own death, to Heidi’s murder and Nichole’s attack, to Ms. Cartman stabbing Cartman to death. Stan even informed him that Cartman is the one that stabbed him and put him in a coma. 

Kyle nods taking all this new information in. "I figured out it was Cartman awhile back.” Kyle tells us.

"How?" Stan asks looking at me then back at Kyle.

"I knew about Cupid Me."

“HOW?” Stan asks again getting impatient. 

“Cartman confided in me about him years ago. I overheard him “arguing” with him. I confronted him about it because I thought he was talking to himself and that’s when he mentioned Cupid Me. He told me Cupid Me was in love with him, but he didn’t return the feelings.” That sounds like the story his mom told me.

“Why didn’t you mention this to us when the killings started?” I ask him. 

Kyle shrugs. “I honestly thought Cupid Me was out of his head once he started taking Valium.” He looks down. “Once Bebe was killed, I knew it was his fault. I didn’t want to believe it because it was too obvious and the evidence against him, was gathered so quickly. Then I realized that’s what he, as Cupid Me, wanted. He wanted Cartman to get caught.” 

“Dude, please stop referring to Cupid Me like he’s a real person.” Stan tells him. “You sound as crazy as Cartman!”

“In Cartman’s mind, Cupid Me is real. I just wish “Cupid Me” was taking care of before so many innocent lives were lost.” 

“Including Cartman’s…” I mumble. 

Stan rolls his eyes. “Fuck that! Cartman got exactly what he deserved! He took many innocent lives! I’m glad that son of a bitch is dead! I only wish I could’ve witnessed it happen like Wendy did!” 

Kyle shakes his dead. “No dude, he just needed help.” 

“Oh my God, you sound like Wendy! That fat fuck is dead, the murders are over! Let’s go back to our normal lives! As normal as they can be anyway!” He starts to walk out. 

“Where are you going?” I ask him. 

“I’m not going to stand here and listen to you two go on about how sick Cartman was and how much help he needed!” He sighs. “You know Wendy, I thought once Cartman died, he would be out of your head and your heart, but I guess I was wrong.” 

“But Stan-“

“I’ll catch you later Wendy.” He storms off leaving Kyle and me confused as hell. 

“What was that about?” Kyle asks. 

“Stan knows I always had a crush on Cartman. He was never a threat to us, and clearly he isn’t now so I don’t get why he’s so jealous.” 

“Stan is insecure that’s why. Just give him some time, he’ll come around.” He smiles. “Have you heard from Nichole?” I notice Kyle blushing a bit when he says Nichole. 

I nod. “Of course, she’s my roommate. She’s doing well, her jaw is healing just fine.” Cartman broke Nichole’s jaw when he slapped her during their struggle. “She may have been the luckiest out of all of Cartman’s victims. “

“Good, she’s too nice and pretty to die so young.” His face is now bright red.

I laugh. “You’ve got it bad!”

“I know…” At least he’s not ashamed to admit it. 

“When you get out of here, I’ll set you two up on a date.” 

“You will?” Kyle’s eyes light up. 

I nod. “Of course. Secretly, she has a crush on you too.” I wink and head for the door. 

“Hey wait! How are you going to tell me something like that then leave?” 

“You need your rest and I’m going to visit Ms. Cartman.” Surprisingly, Ms. Cartman isn’t in jail for killing Cartman. She was able to get off using the insanity plea. Her lawyer, Kyle’s dad, was able to prove that she lost her mind while spending years locked in that bomb shelter. 

“I see. Tell her I said hi.” 

“Will do.” I leave. 

So I lied to Kyle. I really didn’t go see Ms. Cartman, I actually went to the cemetery to visit Cartman. I bought some flowers on my way and placed them on his grave. I kneel down and sigh. “Oh Cartman, why did this have to happen to you?” I continue to sit there and stare. I just want this to be a practical joke. I want to turn around and see Cartman, Bebe, Rebecca, Patti, and Heidi jump up and yell just kidding! A girl can hope, right? I decide to visit the other graves as well. I put a single rose on each of their graves. “RIP my dear friends…” I smile once last time before leaving.

THE END


End file.
